I was schooled in the chaos of unbridled tension from a very early age. In truth perhaps, we all are. Maybe it is merely a function of being human, or more accurately, to be any created thing in an imperfect world. It has taken me a lifetime of practice and learning to discover though that it is not my responsibility to “resolve” all the tensions I experience. I am still learning how to become supple enough to go with the flow of life, to see more clearly what’s mine to carry and what is not, what’s mine to resolve and what is not. It takes a lifetime to learn how to allow, wait and trust. The Chinese Taoists’ call this wu wei (effortless action); in Christian terms we hear this wisdom in Jesus’ parable about the seed growing by itself (Mark 4:26-29).
Learning to take the “me” out of the equation has even helped to ease my need to resolve life’s tensions. In learning to drop the roles and identifications I have collected over a lifetime—to listen from a deeper and freer centre—I am discovering that, in the words of the spiritual teacher David Richo,
“I am still a loving person when I let go of the need to make things right for others”¹
In other words, resolve the tension. I can feel Life taking a very deep breath in me here.
The tension borne of having to make things right can devolve into a form of negative perfectionism for sure, a compulsion fueled most often by the fear of being found inadequate. Imagine my surprise when I discovered the wisdom of a positive perfectionism, where a fecund balance of tensions actually creates new life! Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Jungian psychoanalyst and spiritual teacher, offers this insight:
A positive perfectionism gives best effort, stays with something productive for mastery’s sake. Positive perfectionism urges the psyche to learn to do things better; how to write better, speak, paint, eat, relax, worship better, and so on. Positive perfectionism makes certain actions consistently in order to recognize a dream. ²
I believe that this kind of positive tension is sewn into the fabric of the universe and that it is trustworthy at all levels of reality – personal, communal, global, cosmic. I am still learning to dance this tension of balanced turbulence which lives at the heart of all creation, still learning to let go of attachment to “outcomes” and go with the flow, still learning to lean into the music of it all. In this, I find some peace.
¹ David Richo, When Love Meets Fear: Becoming Defense-less and Resource-full (New Jersey: Paulist Press, 1997), p. 201.
² Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Ph.D, Women Who Run With the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Women Archetype (New York: Ballantine Books, 1995), p. 494.
Sandra Stewart is a member of the Sisters of Our Lady of the Missions in Winnipeg. Originally from Windsor, ON she has spent most of her religious life in Manitoba but has also served in France, Senegal and Papua New Guinea. She holds a Masters degree in Pastoral Studies from Loyola University in Chicago, majoring in spiritual accompaniment from the Institute for Spiritual Leadership.
Presently she serves as a spiritual director, a facilitator of Centering Prayer workshops, and an advocate for social and environmental justice.
Sandra currently serves on her community’s province leadership team in Canada.
Wow, Sandy, I can totally identify. It has taken me many years of Centering Prayer to let go of the ego/responsible approach and reach the silent, allowance of the Spirit, to unfold and act. Now I relax and await rather than tense and run frantically.
I really appreciate this piece, Sandy! Just today, I had to “let go” in order to make a major adjustment in a plan I had worked on for several weeks, and “go with the flow.” It was only then that I could see the positive side of it all. Thank you so much!
I loved thinking about this and especially your comment about knowing that positive tension exists in all things and trusting that. That is what astounds me so much in Nature whenever I am informed by yet another miraculous adaptation scientists have discovered. How a particular bee, for example, has a tongue long enough to drink the nectar of one particular flower. How many millions of years of positive perfection did that take I wonder ? Would that I had that patience and trust.
Your reflection resonated with me and I was mindful of its connection to a recent talk I listened to looking at the gift of Sufiism brought to the west by Hazrat Inayat Khan through his gift of music. The speaker spoke of external chaos being often mirrored internally of the need to find balance at heart and the universal timelessness of Love which transcends limitations. We are all part of that timeless journey towards oneness.